Its 3:41 pm and its hot as hell in san diego now. Im sitting on a lounger, dress with my skimpy shorts and tank top to combat the heat, while time to time singing nursery rhymes with my step daughter.
Im 33 y/o married to a 53 y/o american. I decided to document my life as a way to contemplate.
This day is no different from any other day for the past 11 months. I got up, fix my cutie s.d. her milk and breakfast. I did not sleep well last night, i was sleepy early on but decided to browse quora and read some news . I had to wake up early because the garage door was stuck. Im worried my husband will be stuck outside since he cant open the main door also. Got an early start with chores today and had to walk to the pharmacy to buy milk and lipbalm.
Everyday i do feel blue. I sometimes dont like the situation i am now. No job and therefore no income of my own.
When i was walking to the pharmacy today. I saw people well put up and maybe they are ready to go to work. I kinda envy them, it feels like they have a purpose and a life.
I loosened up a bit today, talk to the cashier and the first one to say good morning, which she responded nicely. Im a shy person which sometimes comes off as snubbish to others. Well im am not today. The walk was literalky a breath of fresh air. It was not too hot nor too cold. Walking alone makes me feel good.
Infact being alone makes me feel wonderful. I kinda miss my old life. Just me, spend the weekday work to home. Doesnt have to do any chores if i dont like too, just buy order or buy some food and binge watch a series.
Now i have a family, a husband to take care off and a little girl to accompany her dancing and singing to all nursery rhymes.
My husband is not well today, he had some tummy ache and suffered badly with it at work. He did not eat and just had one in the morning before retiring to bed because he needs to work tonight.
I kinda worry, his 53 alcoholic and eat like a viking. All meat very few veggies. His father had cancer so it must runs with their genes. I hope his okay, i dont want to be a widow anytime soon and i really have no clue on what i will do.
Since migrating in this country, i have to start from zero and i do have a degree and my line if work does pay well here but all i have now is a degree and no licence.
I always wish in my mind i win a lotto and it will solve most of my problem, but i dont think its happening too soon but im still hoping i will win. Who knows!!!
I have to intention of having a child of our own. So probably ill be alone which really doesnt bother me that much only when my hormones is whack up that ill burst into tears thinking,im really alone. Mom is halfway across the world. My husband has his family and my lovely step daughter has a real mom. So basically ill be alone. It really doesnt bother me that much in the days my hormone are properly line up.
For the past few days, ive been dreaming on traveling the world. I planning of doing it alone. Just me, going to Louvre seiing the mysterious smile or eating kobe beef in japan. Im really a person filled with dreams.
Hopefully someday i get a job where i can travel which is also a dream and a hope.
I miss working but what i miss the most having freedom, money freedom. I hate asking for it. I feel so incapacitated and yet im really afraid what i will do when my spousal visa is done and i get to work legally.
I have no idea how to start my life here. If only life has a fairy god mother with trusty magic wand to make everything smooth.
Im 33 y/o married to a 53 y/o american. I decided to document my life as a way to contemplate.
This day is no different from any other day for the past 11 months. I got up, fix my cutie s.d. her milk and breakfast. I did not sleep well last night, i was sleepy early on but decided to browse quora and read some news . I had to wake up early because the garage door was stuck. Im worried my husband will be stuck outside since he cant open the main door also. Got an early start with chores today and had to walk to the pharmacy to buy milk and lipbalm.
Everyday i do feel blue. I sometimes dont like the situation i am now. No job and therefore no income of my own.
When i was walking to the pharmacy today. I saw people well put up and maybe they are ready to go to work. I kinda envy them, it feels like they have a purpose and a life.
I loosened up a bit today, talk to the cashier and the first one to say good morning, which she responded nicely. Im a shy person which sometimes comes off as snubbish to others. Well im am not today. The walk was literalky a breath of fresh air. It was not too hot nor too cold. Walking alone makes me feel good.
Infact being alone makes me feel wonderful. I kinda miss my old life. Just me, spend the weekday work to home. Doesnt have to do any chores if i dont like too, just buy order or buy some food and binge watch a series.
Now i have a family, a husband to take care off and a little girl to accompany her dancing and singing to all nursery rhymes.
My husband is not well today, he had some tummy ache and suffered badly with it at work. He did not eat and just had one in the morning before retiring to bed because he needs to work tonight.
I kinda worry, his 53 alcoholic and eat like a viking. All meat very few veggies. His father had cancer so it must runs with their genes. I hope his okay, i dont want to be a widow anytime soon and i really have no clue on what i will do.
Since migrating in this country, i have to start from zero and i do have a degree and my line if work does pay well here but all i have now is a degree and no licence.
I always wish in my mind i win a lotto and it will solve most of my problem, but i dont think its happening too soon but im still hoping i will win. Who knows!!!
I have to intention of having a child of our own. So probably ill be alone which really doesnt bother me that much only when my hormones is whack up that ill burst into tears thinking,im really alone. Mom is halfway across the world. My husband has his family and my lovely step daughter has a real mom. So basically ill be alone. It really doesnt bother me that much in the days my hormone are properly line up.
For the past few days, ive been dreaming on traveling the world. I planning of doing it alone. Just me, going to Louvre seiing the mysterious smile or eating kobe beef in japan. Im really a person filled with dreams.
Hopefully someday i get a job where i can travel which is also a dream and a hope.
I miss working but what i miss the most having freedom, money freedom. I hate asking for it. I feel so incapacitated and yet im really afraid what i will do when my spousal visa is done and i get to work legally.
I have no idea how to start my life here. If only life has a fairy god mother with trusty magic wand to make everything smooth.
